Wish only safe nights for his flyblown valentine

Once I saw the grim reaper
he loomed over me so handsome and frail
you would wish you'd seen him too. I feared he might break
if I blinked
(but I did, and he did).

That same day though I saw him again and
thought he was following me. He'd recovered
but seemed as thin, worser still timid, watching us in my
computer's reflection.
I felt pity then
but became confused when
he rasped and began to sing, so strangely, that I almost

It was a very handsome song
so I listened to his call;
no lyrics, only rasping, but so languid I could see
the brainless pixels in my screen stop twitching just to be
hypnotized by something else for once
and I felt almost sorry for them too
because they would never feel the staining ice of his breath
on their ears, lips, teeth, through every duct and orifice...

It was close to heaven
But it was short
And dull, and quiet, and shrill
and stopped abruptly like he'd forgotten what came after.

The resulting silence after was like nothing else that racked through me before
I felt it ring in different frequencies
Like when you've stared at the light too long
And see pink, green, black spots in air.
Naturally in my dazed state I thought his threadbare voice
had plagued my vision somehow
Looped through the spiral labyrinth of my ear
into the bloody sinew behind my eye
when I saw the white shadows dancing against the walls
like moving portraiture of marionettes.

But when I came to I saw that they were beckoning me, celebrating
my unplanned wedding.
Unplanned, but not unfantasized, I will admit.
Of course I've since joined the marched nuptial,
skin and flesh of my fingers peeled back, so he may kiss
my demure imitation of his glee!
Our cheeks rake over each other
and leave carvings in the skull;
do not believe what they tell you.
Death is never dark
He is all we should see

Pale bone-tulips wilt, grass dries beneath my feet
as I skip merrily over
to the field of the ever-glowing

3:27AM SGT Monday the 12th of September

Well my flight is tomrrow. technicall y im already supposed to be in the uk. but i ran into some ... trouble with my visa and so i had to push it back a coupke days, by push back i mean cancel and rebook. a lot of hassle and time and money spent for no good reason but whats donw is done and im glad its all settled now.

Forgive me for the terrible typos and allat but my fingernails are so long and it's too much effort to change my posture as well/ I

i was cleaning up my packing lisy and making sure i didnt mis anything out , when i realised it would be nice to keep like. a schoool log for whtever reason :) and i guess type out my thoughts/whatever i learned or experience.dm. I thnk it would be good to use this as a sort of learnin tool too-- although i doubt i will be so consistent. but i ant to try!

tommmrow i will try to wake up before it hits noon (ha ha) becaus i nedd to go pick up my passport from the visa application cenrre. glad i will never step foot in there agin, as long as tomorrow goes well. but there is no reason it wouldnt

i realise thizs deadpan tone and pathetic speeling ever other letter makes me seem quite dull and disillusioned before schhool has even started but i assue you i am quite optimistic! i feel good baout school and just want to feel alive learning somehing i lvoe agaim. im quite excited to make up my dorm room and stuff to my liking. i may raise some sea monkeys (brine shrimp) and see how tht goes. raise a plant in my conch shell from jeju. make it a life. read and stuff on the bed. Gibberish student life that i want. I feel very good currently ...

i really despise all these typos it makes me sound llike such a loser and dumbass but really it's jus t my goddamn nails dadmn (Crying emoji ) (facepalm)

I wonder how i wil feel tomorrow. i fly rougly around the same time as my mother and sister, wh are leaving 10 minutes before me. headed to heathrow first, soend a couple days in london before we move north for my move in. it will be a nice couple days but i hope i dont get too tirede from walking around.

Ive been ignoring and avoiding some firneds. although ive already apologised for being such a terrible responder to their texts/just not being such a good person to them in genereal. i dont know what ut is. because i love and miss them...but i just dont know. something holds me back from wanting to eventhink about them. feels like i m in trouble

i hope i wil gai nthe courage to be honesy and open soon. but maybe i can be a cowaard jsut for a little bit more. like im not one to run from my problems but it's been a dead aand depressing few weeks -- for no particular reason-- making them the worst kinds of weeks in a persons life. the adhd and ghost deoression is making me listless and lost (lost, and unaware that i am)

hopefully i will remember to update soon. this is good outlet for slowing down and thinking, sbout family, self, world, etc.and as i mentioned earlier it would be good to use this stright up as a learning log-- outside and inside of my formal education. ebcause theres lots of texts that need reading on goodnotes rn damn.

I think i want to watch RRR with my sister on one of the nights in london. i want to see it soon

Well! all is well.

to a better future

END 3:51AM SGT, 24 minutes writing time